Articles
Razzing as a Gift: Hidden Career Clues in Negative Barbs
How many of us appreciate the teasing we have received from other kids and family members all our lives? "You talk too much!" "You ask too many questions!" "You have no respect; you tell the neighbors everything!"
Obviously, we receive each comment about our very core as a personal attack, with an accompanying gut wrenching jab to the stomach. We may feel guilty, shamed or determined to try to do better next time. But to our dismay, we practice this signaled behavior over and over again; no matter how much energy we place in being different. We are simply stuck being ourselves.
But what if we were to look at these awful commentaries on our characters as gifts, removing the sting out of their delivery and simply looking at the underlying message we've been given: we've been told something significant about ourselves. We have unearthed a behavior, which if appreciated could actually serve us well under the right circumstances. After all, if we can't change, perhaps we can begin to love and appreciate our flaws!
It turns out that people who pointed out a behavior of ours they didn't like were actually giving us a gift. We never appreciated it; however, since it was wrapped in angry facial expressions or a shaking finger. But it was a gift even so. Taking another look at these statements from a new perspective can help us see the power behind the accusation.
Say for instance, you were the one who heard your mother complain that you told the neighbors everything. Even though this may be a common issue for many families since children have such a wonderful capacity to be authentic and tell the truth and love to share what they have with everybody, in this case the accusing mother may have been on to something. Maybe this particular child has an abiding urge to share information with others.
Taking this propensity as a strength rather than a weakness, mother and child would have an opportunity to explore how such an impulse could actually be positive. What if it were positive and furthermore the basis for a thriving career for the child? If such an issue were approached from this perspective, rather than from a negative or threatening one, what could the information suggest as a future direction for this youngster? If the mother and child were to face each other in wonder and love rather than in judgment, perhaps such hidden information could be exposed.
The challenge would be to think about the occupations that demand tenacity, curiosity, communication skills and openness. What would they be?
Journalist would be an obvious field that would demand such effectiveness. Such people need to be inquisitive and willing to talk with all sorts of people. They also must enjoy sharing the fruits of their research with the public, thereby enlightening those who might otherwise been ignorant of what they discovered through their persistence, interviewing and verbal or written acuity.
If mother and child were dedicated to playing this game further they might discover other equally propelling directions for the offspring to consider: investigative detective, missionary work, acting, leadership positions and teaching. The possibilities would be endless. But all would emerge only if they were willing to see this information as a clue rather than a natural flaw.
And what if the person who was accused of talking too much took that as a cue for a career direction? Actually, Oprah Winfrey has frequently stated her amazement that she is so very well paid and admired for that skill of talking - which she has done continuously ever since she can remember. Others who have been told of their verbosity could consider careers as lawyers or judges or congressmen. Perhaps those with many questions are exhibiting their thirst for learning and ought to consider pursuing an educational direction such as teaching or becoming a college professor. Do you get the picture?
A wise man once said that the very thing that gives us a hard time is our best teacher. In this case he was right, but with a twist - our razzing is a gift that can lead us to a life of fulfillment and meaning - only if we are willing to suspend our judgment and view the message as a precious bit of information and the key to a satisfying future.
So think back to those times in your life when you've been accused of being something or other. What behavior of yours could be the seeds of a satisfying life direction? What gift have you been given that has remained unwrapped all these many years? What have you yet to offer the world?
The answer may be lying around as an accusation just waiting to be picked up, dusted off and reexamined.
Finding Clues of Career Direction from Other Negative Information
Don't you just feel terrible when you find yourself jealous or envious of what other people are doing? According to Naomi Stephan, Ph.D., author of Fulfill Your Soul's Purpose: Ten Creative Paths to Your Life Mission (Stillpoint Publishing, 1994) your jealousy and envy can be friendly clues about areas that you are neglecting in your career.
The author noticed she was jealous of Gloria Steinem when it was announced in the paper the celebrity was coming to town to promote her latest book. However, Stephan realized she wouldn't be envious about a famous stock market analyst autographing a book. Yet her feelings towards Steinem were a clue that part of her life mission was to be a respected writer and communicator.
Stephan suggests this exercise to discover your own clues: Make three columns and fill them in:
- Person Involved
- Circumstance of the Trigger
- Lesson
Write three or four examples of situations that raise your jealousy or envy. Then decide which jealous is greatest and what you need to do to act on it. Compare each of the people you are jealous of to see which one ranks highest.
This information can lead to a conclusion of what you need to most focus on next in your worklife in regards to your life mission!
Career Satisfaction Bookshelf
Executive in Passage: Career in Crisis the Door to Uncommon Fulfillment
by Donald Marrs
This book chronicles the experience of an advertisement executive who tired
of what he was doing and sought a new avenue.
Wishcraft: How to Get What You Really Want by Barbara Sher, Annie
Gottlieb
A classic book for finding new career direction. Offers wonderful exercises.
Fulfill Your Soul's Purpose: Ten Creative Paths to Your Life Mission
by Naomi Stephan, Ph.D.
Offers numerous exercises to mine information leading to your unique worklife
contribution.
True Work: The Sacred Dimension of Earning a Living by Justine Willis
Toms and Michael Toms, Cofounders of New Dimensions Radio
A look at work as service and as a spiritually sustaining activity.
Find Your Calling, Love Your Life: Paths to Your Truest Self in Life and
Work by Martha Finney and Deborah Dasch
Twenty inspirational stories of people who have found greatness and growth through
their work.
In My Wildest Dreams: Living the Life You Long For by Gail Blanke
A book especially for women wanting to find tools to invent reality from your
dreams. Loads of exercises.
Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life by Gregg Levoy
Shows many ways to turn urges into action, with examples of how others have
done so.
The Soul's Code: In Search of Character and Calling by James Hillman
Claims that each life has its own unique call to destiny.
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Copyright Melanie Keveles & Starting Fresh Coaching. Used with permission.
Melanie Keveles helps people live their dreams instead of dreaming of living. Do you have a secret dream that you yearn to make real? Discover how Melanie has helped others achieve success, change their careers, and rediscover joy. Visit her website at www.startingfreshcoaching.com