Newsletters
Your Fresh Start is a monthly newsletter for conscious, self-aware people who want to new ideas and perspectives on their work/lives for increased self expression, satisfaction and income, essentially, bringing more 'life' into livelihood.
Welcome to Issue Four of Your Fresh Start - September 2008 … And Please Pass It On to Others
The Fifth Agreement
By Melanie Keveles, MA, CPCC, MCC - Master Certified Coach
If you haven't given the small book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz a quick read, you're really missing a useful and inspiring piece of writing. The inside jacket of this paperback book spells out the essence of his message. He lists four agreements or commitments to make to yourself. Allow me to paraphrase:
- Be impeccable with your word - speak with integrity, don't speak ill of yourself or others. Use your words for good.
- Don't take anything personally - whatever others may say is more about them than about you - so don't take their words as gospel. As you stay out of the need for approval, you'll avoid needless suffering.
- Don't make assumptions - be willing to ask questions and seek clarity. Ruiz claims that this one agreement alone could completely transform your life.
- Always do your best - by doing your best, whatever that may be at any given moment, you eliminate the possibility that you will judge yourself.
Aren't these agreements worthwhile? Who would argue with the strength and simplicity of this message? The rest of the book offers commentary and examples to encourage you to put these commitments into practice.
One of my clients who is the president of a unique and creative company happens to love this book and its message. Yet, he tends to be vulnerable to others'perspectives. In the course of a recent coaching session, he talked about his vulnerability. Playfully, we agreed on the notion that "others beliefs are not my beliefs." He resonated with this statement because it felt so truthful to him. One of us then blurted - this could be a fifth agreement!
He encouraged me to write a book about this issue. I agreed to write an article. Here the tables were turned. He held me accountable. And to be impeccable with my word, I am writing this article today. I can't wait to share it with him because he did indeed inspire me. It's also tribute to him as my client, because he does take the assignments I give him seriously as well!
As I craft this message, I find myself pondering what this means and whether indeed this is a potential fifth agreement. Frankly, it may be an addendum to the second agreement, not to take anything personally.
What does it mean that others beliefs are not my beliefs?
We are generally susceptible to what others think. We tend to have friends who think along the same lines we do. Joining groups that hold diametrically opposing viewpoints from our own can be difficult - so generally we don't do it.
Even so, it's important for us to step back from time to time to take our own counsel and discern what we do believe.
When we hear someone making a statement such as "it's difficult to get a good job in a bad economy," or "people don't have money to purchase my services" the first step would be to ask ourselves, "Do I believe that?"
Often we take people's statements in like we would a virus - before we know it, we're infected. By asking ourselves whether we believe others' statements, we're doing the equivalent of washing our hands with sanitary cleanser so that the germs won't spread and make us sick.
My father got his first good job during the depression. Granted those were tough times, but he did get a job. Had he believed that it was impossible to get a job, even in those days, he might not have been open to the opportunity that came upon him.
I have been interviewing women entrepreneurs for my new book. Every one of these unique women come at their businesses from a perspective of, "I can do this!" Their attitudes are infective - in a good way! Not surprisingly, each of them have thriving businesses.
A rampant belief I hear others say is, "who am I to do this?" When I ask these women what their response would be to another woman who had a business idea but held herself back with this question, every last one of them thinks this question is absolutely absurd. Such a question never occurred to them. They just went ahead and did what they thought needed to be done. No hesitation.
As I write this, I see that I would adjust this fifth agreement to, "others negative beliefs are not my beliefs."
What are the negative beliefs that you find swirling around you that you are dedicated to not adopting?
"I don't have enough experience." "I am not skilled enough." "Because of something that happened in my past career, I won't be able to go forward and find the work that suits me."
I've heard these beliefs from various clients. I know these beliefs are out there. What would happen if you refused to take these beliefs in as your own?
What if you dedicated yourself in the next week to becoming vigilant about the negative beliefs you hear from others or simply from that part of yourself that tends to kick them up for yourself? And what if you scrupulously pondered these questions looking for evidence about their veracity? What if you looked for evidence on the contrary - how these beliefs are actually not true? What would you life be like if you vowed to never again take in and digest a negative belief?
I encourage you to take on this challenge as well as to read Don Miguel Ruiz's little book, The Four Agreements. I bet your life will change!
After giving it a good try, let me know what happens with your experiment. I can't wait to tell my client how many lives he's touched.
Happenings
Join me and my coach partner, Karen Carr for a rollicking good time in our introductory teleclass designed to make your dreams come true: A Signature Life: The Art of Having What You Want through Dream, Courage, Action! The teleclass is coming up fast on Wednesday October 8th at Noon EDT. You'll gain an introduction into clarity on your direction, techniques to keep your fears at bay and a variety of tools to get you into motion. Contact me for more details and to register - melanie@startingfreshcoaching.com.
Reprint Rights
Please feel free to reprint this article as long as the following bio (and link to my site) is included with the article.
Melanie Keveles helps people make long-forgotten dreams come true. A master certified coach, she's helped her clients find greater career satisfaction, launch entrepreneurial ventures, and get their books published. Do you have a dream that you keep yearning over? Call Melanie today and take the first step to realizing it. You can reach Melanie at , at 715.394.4260, or www.startingfreshcoaching.com.
You'll also want to read Melanie's upcoming book. Co-author of Fired for Success: How to Turn Losing Your Job into the Opportunity of a Lifetime! (Warner Books), Melanie is under contract with Praeger Books for a forthcoming book on entrepreneurial women, Scrappy Startups: How 15 Ordinary Women Turned their Unique Ideas into Profitable Business.